Jesu, juva
Somewhere along the way I believe many of us have become confused about what it means to love another while recognizing behavior from them we know to be wrong.
And it’s costing people their families, friends, jobs, and even their lives. And to that cost, we ourselves are not innocent.
We’ve somehow swallowed a version of love that says if you really care about somebody, you’re obligated to accept whatever they do. You affirm their choices. You never push back. Never confront. Never draw a line. And if you do any of these things, you’re often thought of, and accused as being, judgmental, controlling, unloving.
That’s not love. That’s cowardice dressed up in compassion language.
What Jesus Actually Did
Look at John 8.
John 8:1-11 (ESV) - 1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. 3 The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst 4 they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. 5 Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” 6 This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
A woman caught in adultery. The crowd wants to stone her. Jesus defends her. Sends them packing. But then notice what he says to her in verse 11 - “Go and sin no more.”
He didn’t say, “I love you, so whatever you were doing is fine.” He didn’t validate her choices because he cared about her feelings. He called her to change, right after he protected her. His love was fierce and complete. His approval however wasn’t automatic.
That’s the template we keep skipping over.
Jesus could love someone all the way to the bone while still telling them the truth about their life. The two things were never in conflict for him. We’re the ones who made them opposing forces.
We Confuse Love With Enabling
Here’s what we’ve done. We’ve taken enabling and rebranded it as love. And men, we are some of the worst offenders.
The buddy who’s drinking himself out of his marriage. You stay quiet because you don’t want conflict. The son who’s making destructive decision after destructive decision. You keep cleaning up the mess because you don’t want him to think you don’t love him. The brother in the church who’s living a double life. Nobody says a word because we’ve got this idea that confrontation is the opposite of grace.
It’s not.
Proverbs 27:6 (ESV) Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
That word Faithful means trustworthy. Reliable. Real. A man who won’t wound you with truth when you need it isn’t being kind and understanding, He’s being faithless.
Silence isn’t love. It’s a misdirected path of feeling safe.
God’s Own Model Settles This
Hebrews 12:6 (ESV) - For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
Stop. Read that again.
God, who is love in the most literal sense, love is His very nature, not just something He does, that same God disciplines. He corrects. He allows consequences. He doesn’t shield us from every hard thing just because He loves us.
If God’s love includes discipline, then a love that never corrects, never confronts, never says this needs to stop — that’s not God’s love. That’s something else. Something weaker. Something that feels safer in the moment but leaves people worse off.
You want to love someone the way God loves? Then you might have to be the one who says the hard thing.
What Real Love Actually Looks Like
You can love someone without co-signing everything they do. You can forgive someone without handing them the keys to your life. Forgiveness is about releasing the debt. Access is a different conversation.
You can want someone restored without tolerating destruction in the process. God is in the restoration business. He’s not in the business of pretending the problem doesn’t exist.
And sometimes, and please hear this, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is say: I’m not going anywhere. I’m praying for you. I will be right here when you’re ready to deal with this. But I won’t help you keep going in this direction.
That’s not abandonment. That’s love with a spine.
Men, We Have to Get This Right
We need to stop letting the culture define love for us. The world’s version of love is just tolerance with better marketing. And we’re watching people we care about walk into traffic while we stand on the sidewalk being “supportive.”
Real love tells the truth. Real love holds the line. Real love is willing to absorb the anger of someone who needs to be stopped more than they need to be affirmed.
Ephesians 4:15 - Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ
This verse calls us to speak truth in love. Not truth instead of love. Not love instead of truth. Both. At the same time. That’s the hard road. But that’s the call.
Unconditional love is real. And it is good. It doesn’t put conditions on the relationship. But it is not the same thing as unconditional approval. Love doesn’t mean look the other way.
Say it again until it settles: love doesn’t mean look the other way.
Sometimes love says no. Sometimes love draws the line. Sometimes love is the thing that costs you the relationship for a season because you refused to watch someone destroy themselves without saying anything.
That’s the kind of men we’re called to be.
God BlessBlane
SDG
