Years ago I came home from work exhausted and just didn’t feel like putting anything together for dinner for Caleb and I (mom was out of town). I ask him if he wanted to go back to town and grab a bite to eat. We decided on I-HOP because we both love to have breakfast for supper.
We sat in a booth, and a waitress approached us to take our order. I remember she talked me into trying a dish they had on special.
Caleb and I sat for the longest talking and suddenly realized something must be wrong; it’s been way too long since we placed our order. The waitress came by and apologized, making a statement about the day shift being slow. A few minutes later, she brought the food to the table and ask if there was anything else we needed. Noticing I didn’t get the crepes she had talked me into but some type of waffles covered in strawberries, I jokingly reminded her she had talked me into the crepes. She apologized and a few minutes later returned with the crepes.
As she was returning the waffles to the back, I heard Caleb say, “She’s not a very good waitress, is she”. I don’t recall even replying, just acknowledging what he said.
Here’s the moment there was a paradigm shift!
When the lady laid the crepes on our table, she sincerely apologized and said, “I’m so sorry, it was really my fault that your food was late and you got the wrong thing. You see, my husband died four days ago and I just can’t get my head together. I returned to work today hoping it would take my mind off of it a little, but it’s not working out so well”.
I felt so bad for her and told her I was so sorry to hear of her loss. Feeling the need to show her I truly cared, I went further and ask her if she and her husband were from this area and if he’d suffered from a sickness like cancer or something. In the next few moments, you could have heard a pin drop! She replied, “No, he killed himself at work, said he just couldn’t take it any longer. He does not know how bad he has hurt me doing that and if I could reach across to the other side, I’d choke him”.
The next few moments were a blur as she returned to the cooking area. She was to my back, but Caleb could still see her and shared she was crying and another waitress had her arms around her.
A golden father-to-son opportunity occurred when Caleb said to me in a soft voice, “Dad, I feel like CRAP!”. I ask him why and he reminded me of the statement he had made earlier about her not being a very good waitress.
I looked him in the eyes, nodded my head and said to him “Yes sir, this is one of those moments in your life that you can learn so much from if you’ll really take it in!” He replied, “You’re right, I still feel like crap, though.”
That opened an opportunity to plant a powerful life lesson into my young. I seized the opportunity sharing that often in life we make judgments about others when we lack the total picture. It’s so important when someone is acting to be bothering you at the moment to pull out of your tunnel vision and realize there may be a bigger picture behind their current behaviour! So many times, there are things happening in that person’s life that it is virtually impossible for them to deal with life issues they must deal with and still put on the persona, personality and even hold to responsibilities as they normally would.
As Caleb and I were leaving, I felt one last inspiration to use this moment to his benefit. When the waitress returned to the table with my credit card in it, Caleb watched me sign the receipt. Instead of adding the standard 15% gratuity, which would have been approximately $3.00, I marked through the gratuity part and reached into my wallet, finding one $20 bill (thankfully). I laid the $20 on the table and we walked away. Caleb said “Wow Dad, that’s a lot isn’t it?”. As we were leaving the restaurant, I told Caleb, “turn around and look back for a moment”. He did as I, and the waitress, was looking at us through the window, smiling and waving.
I know it’s not much, it’s what I had available to me at the moment. As we turned back around and approached the car, I remember telling Caleb, “nothing you will ever do in this life will mean more to you than those moments like this when you can give, regardless of how big or small it is, give! Remember that!”
I drove home so thankful to God for giving me such a teaching moment with my son.
Let us strive not be quick to judge others and impugn their motives. Only God knows their hearts (Acts 1:24). Let us let Him judge in matters of the heart.
Matthew 7:1-2 – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
A scripture that continues to humble me every time it comes to mind when I find myself in a position of having to judge another’s actions is Galatians 6:1 – Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you won’t be tempted also.
Lord, I so desire to have and nurture this “gentle spirit” Your Word speaks of here.